TRUST ME I KNOW WHAT I'm DOING

Hi. My name is Sindhu Vee. I'm a stand up comedian and an actor. My new special, Alphabet, is streaming now on my website, SindhuVee.com, so please do go and watch it. And right now, you are listening to Trust Me.

I Know What I'm Doing.

Yeah. My name is Abhay Dandekar, and I share conversations with talented and interesting individuals linked to the global Indian and South Asian community. It's informal and informative, adding insights to our evolving cultural expressions, where each person can proudly say, trust me, I know what I'm doing. Hi, everyone.

On this episode of Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing, we share a conversation with comedian, writer, and actor, Sindhu Vee. Stay tuned. As always, thank you so much for listening and watching and making this a small part of your day and hopefully a reproducible big part of your life. I know it takes time and effort and I really appreciate you engaging, subscribing, rating, and writing reviews and sharing this with all your friends and family. Remember, you can listen at all the podcast outlets, watch the episodes on YouTube, and follow along on social media at all the usual places.

Okay. So love letters, they come in so so many different formats with messages that range from the broadly universal to the specific and intricate details of our very human relationships. Now sometimes those expressions resonate loudly with us because they're so deeply personal. And if it's also gonna tickle us with comedy, then it needs to be the right combination of emotion, timing, and storytelling, and definitely needs to come from the right voice. So for me, it was such a treat to catch up with comedian, writer, and actor, Sindhu Venkataranarayanan, who's best known globally to all her fans simply as Sindhu vee.

Born in Delhi and raised in India and The Philippines, Sindhu is a British comedian who's been a fixture in the stand up circuit since 02/2012 with performances worldwide and recurrent appearances at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, on the BBC, and on a variety of Netflix shows as an actor. Her range of presentations and comedy style are refreshingly authentic, relatable, sharp, unapologetic, and sweet all at once. This past year, she's been especially busy acting with roles in the Pradipse of Pittsburgh with Naveen Andrews and the feature film Picture This with Simone Ashley. But it's a recent self released special called Alphabet that's an endearingly warm, tender, and pointedly funny window into her world of relationships, her background and upbringing, and experiences with friends and family that really highlight her skill as a performer who can allow audiences to absorb and mirror a range of emotions and truly even see some of themselves in that journey. So we caught up to talk about it all.

But before getting into all the comedy and art she's making, I asked her to first talk a little bit about how she actually goes about consuming comedy. You know, I never get asked that, so thank you. Such a good question. When I started stand up, because I had never seen live stand up when I started doing it Yeah. I was like, oh my god.

What is this? I mean, after the first time I did it, I was like, what is this? I gotta do it more. So at that time, I would just go to comedy and sit in the back and just watch because I had never done that before. I watched a lot of YouTube.

I also like a I would say like a many, many Indian people. I bought every book on stand up and just read and just started reading and saying what is like, the history, the what you know, where does this go back to? Because, I guess, my parents really raised me like that, and I was doing a PhD once upon a time. So there was this habit of you can't really do something. You don't know what it is.

You know? And and and it's also part of, I think, being from a family and a culture where you ask your parents something really simple, and your dad's like, five thousand years ago in Mahabharat, and you're like, what? Everything went back to something. There was a source, and you learned from the source, and then you modified. So I literally brought that.

So at that time, I would say I was consuming comedy like a massive weirdo, Reading, watching, listening, and then also doing open mic nights and then staying on as long as as late as I could, given that I had three young children at home who had to go to school the next day, had to be woken up and taken to school. So that's what I did then. Now, you know, it takes a number of different forms. You know, I go to gigs and I stay especially if my friends are on, I love to watch them. I don't go to watch comedy if I'm not at a gig because that's just mental.

I mean, it's like, what? That's just mental. And in terms of what comes out, I have to I become a little bit more careful about watching the specials that come out that are there's like like, Ally Wong is great, and she's talking about divorce and marriage, and I don't watch that because I'm so scared of bleed. Yeah. And if you ever ask me, do you think that was your idea or Ally Wong's?

I'll always say it's probably Ally Wong's, you know, unless she's talking about a Danish husband and a Indian. But the intuition, you know, the intuition behind I I think a lot of people who are married or divorced or have kids, we all come to the same things, and I don't so I'm a bit nervous about that. So I don't really watch those until I sort of have some free space where I know I'm not really writing anything or I think it'll be fine. And it's kind of annoying because a lot of my friends and contemporaries in comedy are now catching up and having babies. And I'm like, what?

Yeah. But it's great because I have teens now, so I'm sort of just a bit ahead of everyone, like, coming up with stuff. So there's that. So I guess I don't really watch that. I do watch other comics, specials.

I'm a big fan of Nate Bargatzy. I'm a big fan of Lianne Morgan, and these are just in The United States. I watch them because I don't think there'll be bleed, and I just enjoy it so much. I think when I watch comedic films, I become very analytical, but I think that's because as a stand up, I'm fundamentally a writer. And so I'm like, well, that wasn't very funny.

Could've said it like this. And I try and focus on the acting Yeah. Because I think I have so much to learn, but I never really can. I was just gonna say that that, like, when you are even, like, in conversation with others or around your family or, you know, observing and, you know, has time and the experience, in fact, made you a better listener and an observer? And you can almost, like, curate your thoughts around the anatomy of a story or a joke because, you know, you're just you're listening for it.

I mean, I I know that, you know, when someone says something, even faraway conversation, something remotely medical, my ears perk up and and I'm like, oh, yeah. You know? So in in that way, are you constantly sort of thinking about that, or do you have to sort of turn on and turn off so that you can just sort of, again, stay sane? No. I don't really I don't you know, I've in some ways, I've become worse because my kids will come and they'll be telling something they think is funny.

And I'm like, Jesus. Make it funny. It's so bad. Right. And I have to keep my mouth shut because they tell a story, and it's kinda funny.

But I know if they just rearranged it a bit, it would be hilarious. Yeah. And I don't so I don't say anything. Sometimes I start looking like I'm getting distressed, and then they give me a lot of they give me a lot of shit about it. They're like, oh, you think you stand up?

And so and I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am better at I am, and I'm better at this.

But I think that's terrible because I do think that the roots of my thinking I was funny have everything to do with my father's enormous patience in listening to my stories when I was young. I had a supersonic stammer. So imagine the amount of time it took to get a story out of me and desperate desire to tell the story and absolutely no capacity to do it well, but he never lost patience. My mother used to you know, sometimes at the dinner table, she would say, oh, it's taking too long. Write it on a paper.

So I would have to write because she just was like, I can't stand there while you're just like, stop it. Yeah. She would you know, she had she had no patience. But my father used to always wait, And I think so. I try not to be, like, the terrible, critical of of, you know, how are you telling this funny story person.

I don't really when I'm listening to people, I'm listening. You know? Yeah. What I find difficult is when some people say I'm gonna tell you something, it's really funny, you should use it in stand up. And I always want to say to them, that's gonna happen never.

Never. Right. Right. What's gonna happen is you're gonna say something you don't expect, and I'm gonna pick that up. Yeah.

And I'm never gonna say it's about you, but somehow gonna show up in what I'm talking about because it it's made me feel a certain way. That's actually fascinating. Right? Because, you know, again, it's it comes back to, like, what tickles you and not necessarily what tickles them. And I think relating that and I I love the idea that, like, both your father and mother have have very different approaches to this.

One has slightly more patience. The other is telling you stories about comedy back five thousand years ago in the Mahabharata, someone sitting underneath the banyan tree, that kind of thing. So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Your your comedy is so so much of your performance and your work speaks to those roots. Right? And as an Indian woman and yet you have such an incredibly global lens of experiences, whether that's British or Danish or, you know, time in The Philippines and, of course, you know, formative experiences in India as well. Does the tone or even the temperature of the performance or even the writing, does it change at all when there are fewer or less Indians or South Asians in your audience?

You know, I never had a South Asian audience. When I started doing comedy in The UK, it was just whoever was at the club. Yeah. And there were a few comedians here that were South Asian comedians, and they were all talking about things that I've thought were funny but had nothing to do with me. They were talking about race and religion, and I was like, oh, I'm talking about kids, you know.

And I think I never perceived myself as a South Asian comic. And when I was doing my show on the on Radio four or when I was out in, I don't know, Red Ruth at a comedy gig, it just I honestly, it never came up. And then after COVID, I would go to gigs and half the room would be brown. And I'd be like, oh, I wonder who they're here to see, and the promoter would be like you, like me. It's because well, because in COVID, I did a lot online.

I think that was more surprising to me than perhaps to anyone looking from the outside in. Sure. Because I I have a few things. I say, you know, I have my mother's accent that always comes up because that's how I hear her in my head. I have, you know, the way that we parent versus my husband.

That's about it. I'm also talking about my dog and my hair and, like, you know, stuff that's not to do with India per se. So first, so to so the long answer to your question is, in the I I never changed my material because I never felt I had a specific audience. Over time, especially when I went to The United States last year on tour, I was so it was so overwhelming. Mhmm.

Because even though my comedy is all in English and is very universal, I was getting the same warmth from the audiences that were coming out previously to see Amit Tanda nor Zakir Khan or Abhishek Ubu Manu, you know, in comics from India. That made me feel so happy because I've never really been a % comfortable with not living at home in India. It's Yeah. Always a shock to me that I didn't go back, when I came here to study. But, of course, then if you marry a Dane, it's like, what what is the shock?

That they can't cope over there, so I get it. But it's you know, like, in here, it's always been something like a mystery. So Yeah. So then my material changes only in one way, is if I feel there's enough quorum in the room, I will switch language real quick, and I will speak in Hindi. And I'll translate it for whoever doesn't speak Hindi, but then it's gotta be funny.

But it often is, you know, because Hindi, when you use it in a colloquial way, is hilarious. And I think in Hindi, And I also think in English, but I grew up in UP in in quite a traditional school, and I learned you know, I did Nav Bharti. I I I speak what is called Shuddhindi even though I grew up in Lucknow, so I speak Urdu as well. And my mother was from UP. So, yeah, so I will switch into the language, but I don't change the material, really.

And, I mean, if I'm, like, if I'm gonna say something about Brexit, which I did while it was still very like, a hot topic, and I feel that there's I guess, I wouldn't go to India and start yabbing on about Brexit, but my Brexit jokes were actually about my marriage and about exits from marriage and Brexit. It was a complicated structure. So that you can tell in India. And, also, Indians who are coming to comedy clubs in the big cities, they're as global as anyone else. They get Brexit.

Right. Right. You know Hey. You're you're mirroring that for the most part. I mean, I I was in New York at a comedy club near Times Square, and I brought up the fact that my husband and it was like tourists, American tourists.

It's the middle of the week. They had a harder time being like, wait. Her husband is from Denmark? Is that is he Dutch? They couldn't wrap their head around it.

Whereas in India, in in any comedy club in Gurgaon, you could be like, yeah. My husband's from Denmark and Brexit, and they're like, yeah. I so We get it. You know, no shade on America, but Indians are very much more outward looking while also being very inward looking, of course. I think that that comes across in the sense that, like you said, you can you can sort of, you know, perhaps maybe be a little bit more of your authentic self as as the the language comes out and, of course, the relating to that because Indians are so sort of the diaspora is definitely so globally positioned.

It is. It is. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

It is. And I I feel like the diaspora and I feel like I'm just like them and in the ways in which I'm not. I just have to explain. And they've got a cousin or an uncle or an aunt or and they're like, oh, okay. Fine.

We get it. It's not a leap. It's not a leap. You're listening to Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing. After a quick break, let's come back to our conversation with comedian, Sindhu Vee.

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Welcome back to Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing. Let's return to our conversation now with comedian Sindhu Vee. So I enjoyed Alphabet, so much. I I really, really appreciated it. And as it was just released, you you mentioned in it how you never felt, quite integrated wherever you've lived.

And I took that as, you know, kind of one of your Amber topics, a little bit maybe. And I do you think that, that sort of factual awareness, that factual awareness of, like, knowing that, like, hey, I have not necessarily always integrated. I wonder if that actually serves as an accelerator to truly integrate your story and work as someone who's truly endearing and enduring as an artist. Right? The fact that, hey, you've stayed who you are and you've perhaps had more challenges that that you self admit that, like, look, I haven't necessarily made the attempts nor do I, you know, I haven't integrated.

And and I actually wonder if that actually integrates for others your story into their lives and and therefore makes you that much more endearing and enduring. Perhaps. I hope so. You know, I mean, I've never thought about it in those terms. I think when I said that in alphabet, you know, I said it because you have to have the joke.

So I so I said that statement. But if we dig deeper, my father was a Tamilian. My mother was from UP. They married in 1961 when that didn't happen. And and it wasn't a runaway elopement love marriage.

It was semi arranged from my mom's brother's side, but my dad, he fought with his family to marry my mother. She went down south. No one in her family had ever been to Bombay, let alone Tamil Nadu. Very different in terms of their world outlooks, very similar in terms of values, their, you know, faith in God and spiritual stuff and family, but very different. And it was always, you know, my my sister and I she was much older than me, my sister, but I, from a very young age, understood that I didn't belong.

I didn't belong on my mother's side. It was too dark. And I was a Venkat Narayanan. And on my dad's side, oh, they didn't like my mom. Tamilian Brahmins are very clannish, and I love my Tamilian side deeply, but for them, my mother may as well have been an an untouchable.

Danish. Yeah. An untouchable. Danish would have been neutral. Okay.

She was a Brahmin, but they were like, you're not a Tamilian Brahmin. For us, you're just you know? And we and we were treated very differently by my grandparents, not in my father's presence. But, you know and I think from a very young age, it was like, okay. I don't belong.

And then to make it even more exciting, my parents moved to The Philippines. I no one spoke Hindi to me. So I literally was like this western little kid that would be brought to India once a year. So I think what happened is some I created a I I held on to a sensibility that I actually because of your question, I think is I'm still holding on to. It was very much who am I.

Mhmm. It's not what am I made of, who else am I like. It was just who am I. Yeah. And that better be something real good when you walk into a room because otherwise, you're not like anyone else and immediately you're an outsider.

And then I became five foot ten and it came back to India and everyone was like, what is this giant? I had so many points in my life and I honestly don't know from a karmic point of view what I did in my last life to have this happen now. But at every point, I would turn a corner and be like, oh, I have to know who I am. And for me, that was always humor, comedy. Yeah.

Can I make you laugh? Right. And you become exactly like everyone else when you're all laughing. Yeah. Just do everyone's we're on the same page.

You know, I say something funny. You see me. We land on the same page. From a human point of view, it's very connecting, and it's very abiding. And then it doesn't matter if you look like me or I look like you or whether we're the same religion or I speak your language.

Do you know? And I think it was that thing which has stayed with me. And now I don't want to be integrated because I you know, because to be part of any one group so completely, it just feels odd to me. Yeah. And, also, most groups have things I don't agree with.

Right. And you can it sort of makes it easy for you to, like you said, sort of constantly ask that question of of who you are and present that and and allow for that naturally then to to be the the connector. Yes. And it's a great editing tool. Right.

Right. See? Because when I show up, I say, I do this, I do this, I do this, I do this. And especially, like, for example, when I was in the arranged marriage circuit, which my mother really wanted and she started early because she thought I was she was like, you're very stupid. You're not going to have a good job.

We'll get you married and all that stuff. I was so clear in I used to have one or two meetings with the boys alone, and I would immediately state without my parents' knowledge that, like, this, this, this. And I was not did not seem like someone they would marry because they were like, what? Because on the outside, I had all the right credentials, but then I'd be like, by the way, I smoke cigarettes, and if you tell my mom, I'll say you're lying. And they were like, what?

And also, I do Puja, you know, morning, noon, and night, and they were and I wanna live in an ashram, and they were like, who the fuck are you? And so that was one way of editing. Yeah. You know, and it also made it easier. It's made it easier my whole life to opt out of situations where people are like, you're not like us.

We don't like you. I'm like, okay. Cool. Right. Peace.

Peace. I I I find that actually so fascinating and and more than anything else, just very, very warm and and endearing because, again, we all pick and choose the things that that we want, out of that. And like you said, it sort of gives you agency to edit. I actually found it's funny. When I saw Alphabet and and I, you know, sort of processed it a little bit, to me, it resonated almost like a very tender and sweet message.

Almost like a love letter, particularly to the people who mean so much to you. It is a love letter. Right. That's just more of my take. Was was that kind of by intention?

Because that that can be tough in comedy where you're telling a joke and you might be even relating a story, but someone often is on the winning or the losing side of that. And I just wonder if presenting this was something that was, you know, very, very intentional to make it feel that way as sort of like a love letter. Yes. I mean, huge huge kudos to you to have picked that up. It is very much a love letter.

It wasn't intended as it went as as such when I was touring it, but I've changed it some for the filming. It's a love letter, and you can see in the credits, it's in it's it's a homage to my parents and my sister. The three of them I'm the youngest. The three of them passed away in very quick succession quite recently. Mhmm.

And I was not prepared for that. No one was prepared for that, and it wasn't COVID. So I there's a story in there about my sister being in The United States in in, I would say, not to the most comfortable circumstances. Yes. And I remember when I and it was a hilarious story because it really brought her and I together because of our name.

But when I thought of telling it, I checked with my mother. I called her and I said, mommy, I wanna tell this story, Barakka. And she said, oh, it's a very bad story for our family. I'm like, I know. Right?

Because in the Desi community, you start saying that stuff. It's wild, you know. And I said, yeah. But I think but I said, but I think it's honest. And, like, we all got over it.

And, like, you know, she had to do what she had to do. And my my my mother said, well and I was very scared of my sister. I said, what do you think Avka's gonna do to me? And she said, well, she hates you anyway, so it doesn't matter. Just tell it.

And then she said, but don't let your father hear. It will break his heart. Yeah. Yeah. So I toured it in The UK knowing that nobody was gonna mention it to my parents.

And then as I got older, I thought, oh, I'm gonna do it somewhere and tell Aka, and then she's gonna fight with me, and we're gonna have it out. Because I did not at some level, I idolized my sister so much that I thought it was wrong of my father, especially, but both my parents at some point to have felt such shame around whatever reasons that she landed where she landed. Sure. But I was the youngest. Like, no one give a shit what I thought.

So I thought I'm gonna tell this story. She's gonna get mad, and then I'm gonna be like, but it's fine. Yeah. And I had become an adult, and even though no one in that my family really ever treated me like an adult, because in India, no one does when you're the youngest, and when your parents are alive, you're still their child. And my sister, I think, carried this enormous burden of both being the elder one and having disappointed her parents in ways that I hadn't.

I thought me and her will work it out. And the thing is, I didn't get that chance because they all passed away. Yeah. So I didn't wanna tell the story and then not have her be able to respond. So I rewrote it in a way that I think only makes her seem cool.

So only that bit, you know, I I I initially wrote it to piss her off so I could have a fight with her, but that was that that was not the plan of God, I suppose, garmic plan. So I told it because I thought everything I say about my parents and my sister, even implicitly, it is the roots of who I am as a comic. Yeah. And the day my father passed away, he was the last in the three of them to pass, I thought, oh, everything else I write from here on, I'm sort of on my own. Right.

And I had to mark what they had given me. Mhmm. And so I very much thought about Alphabet in that way, both in terms of the rewriting, but also the visuals. I wanted to look like a gift, lot lots of gold wrapping and lots of very luxurious fabric and those greens and golds and yeah. I mean, that was for me.

Yeah. I did you know, I haven't really talked about all of this on and sort of it's not part of the press pack around Alphabet, but it was. And I had to give that show, and that's also why I decided to self release. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I thought this is very this is really not about a huge special that is gonna be, you know, a star on my CV, which I hope it turns out to be, but it was never about that. It was I feel like I I ran out of time, and I didn't know I was going to. It it felt like a lot of not just open laps, but a real, real open heart. And so, I mean, that that you you narrating this entire piece just compliments that, you know, so much. Your last few months of '24 and now into '25 saw you doing a fair amount of acting and and really some some terrific things that that have come out.

And a lot of that now, at least hearing this entire story and particularly about your, you know, family's family's passing in a way, certainly connects the dots, at least for me, a little bit. I'm curious how much of that experience, all the things that have informed you so much and and really been a part of your comedy, how much of that has actually bled into some of the acting? I mean, you've had some roles with Pradeep's and and picture this and and the idea of motherhood and and really that Indian experience, whether that's in The UK or in America. I'm wondering how much of either the experience has informed the acting. And for that matter, how much has the acting actually made you a better or a different stand up artist?

Well, the first thing is I I flew off to do Pradeep a few months after my dad passed away. And I had just was rapping I mean, my sister had just passed away, and then a sort of a year plus before my sister. My mother had passed, so I it was, like, hitting me. Like, I was, like, what is happening? And it was, like, oh, everyone was, like, oh, you're grieving.

I'm, like, I guess that's what I'm just doing now from now on, you know. Right. And I I couldn't catch my breath. And also, I became responsible for a lot of the admin around the family, you know, with my dad and my sister. And I was like and I'm I I I said to you before we started, but I'm very lazy.

Which I which I find hard to believe, but okay. But, I mean, I'm very lazy. Like, it takes a lot for me to, like, get up and do admin, and then all of a sudden, it's one thing to mess with your admin, but you can't disrespect your father's admin and your sisters. So I was like, holy crap. So I was doing those things, and I went off to do Pradeep's.

And in Pradeep's, I remember in particular, there were scenes I have with Sahana Srinivasan. She's my daughter in that show, Bhanu, where the mother and the daughter are fighting, and she's a teen. And when we moved to The Philippines, my sister was a teenager. And my parents were very tough on her. Very.

Because they were first time living abroad, very Tambrand, You know, my mother was very conservative about what girls should and shouldn't say and do and so on. And they changed over time, but, you know so I remember there's a few scenes where I have to be quite tough on Bhanu. And I had to remind myself because it would remind me of conversations I had observed between my sister and my mother back when I wasn't aware that that might have been the roots of some of her rebellion, which then took her into areas that my parents forever were so they beat themselves up about. You know? So I had to be careful.

I was like, don't, like, don't let your mind go there. Right. Because nothing terrible is gonna happen in this show. You you know the script. I mean, I don't know what happens at the end because there's a big cliffhanger, and I guess we'll never find out.

But, so so I remember that, but I didn't know it because I'm not an act a trained actor in any way. I didn't know that stuff could come up. I didn't put any of the dots. So I would do the scene and then I would go back to the flat and cry. And be like, what?

And then I started saying, oh, you're this reminded you of this, and so don't do that. So a a lot of self teaching, I suppose, to, like, keep your act together. And then in Picture This, I'm a, you know, I have a scene or two with Simone where she where I where we connect. I see her, she sees me, and it's very much in the present. And that requires a certain humility as an Indian parent and a willingness.

One thing I have not found Indian parents, and you're probably the exception, to say to their kids is, I trust you. You know what you're doing. Oh my god. Indian parents are like, trust me. I know what you're doing.

Right. Right. We're we're not the best at that. Yeah. No.

We're not. And there's good reasons for why, but there's also has to be some balance because we're not raising kids in 1965 anymore. Right? Yeah. So there's a couple of scenes, and we did those very quickly.

Simone is a very accomplished actress, and I was able to do it quickly because I think in my eyes, you could see that I have I have some incredible parts of me that are from my parents as a parent, but there's parts of me I've learned not to do because of my parents, and I thank them for that as well. And I think that helped because we were that those takes were so quick and so warm. And I think I don't think, again, I consciously thought of it, but I remember recognizing the moment. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Totally. And so just being able to not think about it just because I think all good acting, as far as I can tell, is you're not thinking about it. You're just in that moment. Yeah. And if I mean, not if I mean, I I have no acting in the pipeline at the moment, and who knows if I'll ever act again.

I always say, well, I guess that's it. Never acting again. And then Right. That's the punctuation mark. Yeah.

Because the thing with stand up is I have a lot of control. I can get up from this podcast and go and do a gig. But in acting, you're just like, hello. Is someone phoning me? What what's happening?

So as a stand up, I'm always a little bit wary of this business of of acting where it's like, who knows if it'll ever happen again. But I have now learned to think about it and then to maybe harness that as opposed to just be shocked. Be like, wait. Oh my god. Like, that has to stop.

It's ridiculous. You're listening to Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing. After a quick break, we'll come back to our conversation with the one and only, Sindhu v. Every story told is a lesson learned, and every lesson learned is a story waiting to be told. I'm Abhay Dandekar, and I share conversations with global Indians and South Asians so everyone can say, trust me.

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Hi there. I'm Abhay Dandekar, and you're listening to Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing. Let's rejoin our conversation now with writer, comedian, and actor, Sindhu Vee. I am so just fascinated by this different way that people take their own personal stories and their baggage, and they carry that to work, whether that's in how they actually have those moments of saying like, ah, this is exactly what this means for me, and you're not even conscious of it like you mentioned. And and that sort of makes the having a little bit more magic, I guess, on the screen.

But, you know, it's such a different vibe when you're out there doing stand up. And one of the lines from Alphabet that that really caught me particularly was this idea where you said, you can't be sad and crazy without funny. And, you know, I I love that. That that sort of trifecta and you and you're talking about friendship and and is that sort of you know, and and in thinking about, like, those instances, you know, on the two sets when you're filming and then, of course, all the, you know, informative experiences with your family. Is that idea of you can't be sad and crazy without funny, is that basically a proxy for for you and sort of almost like a mission statement for you to sort of get through all the ups and downs of life, but in your very you know, you have a a window for lots and lots of audience members into that.

Does that serve as kind of a guide wire in a way? I think so. I mean, I think you're you're right. It's kind of my brand. Yeah.

If I had a tagline, it would be, you can't be sad and crazy without funny. And the the implicit thing is, I am sad and crazy. Who isn't sad and crazy at some point? I think from my parents, what I what I observed, especially in my mother, is that in order to move forward in life, we have to not be looking for things to be good and happy. We have to look for things to have meaning, and that's really how I live my life.

I don't think it was on purpose. I think I just was raised by these two people who did that, and you have to have meaning. And the thing is, meaning in life is something who knows what the meaning of life is? But when bad things happen or sad or shocking or upsetting, you need to find a way through. And for me, that's laughter.

Because then it just doesn't feel that deadly. You know? Yeah. You're like, and my mother's family is very much like this. Like, the worst things happen.

And they'll be like, oh, remember when that truck ran him over? And you're like Right. Right. So we were we were raised like that with by her. And my sister had a terrific sense of humor and very dark.

And we had a lot of dark stuff to go over, and we always ended up cackling about it. And it just made it seem okay okay as in nonjudged. Yeah. Yeah. And so when I say you you you can't be sad and crazy without funny, I guess what I'm saying is you can't really live life without having a strong handle on humor because life life is how it is, and we don't know.

You know? And a lot of shitty things happen. Just a lot. Like, when you're little, you fail a test, you don't make the team, you it's just and then there's bigger create awful things that happen, and people get ill. You think you're being a fantastic parent, and you're doing all the right things, and you're very loving, and then some shit swerves into your kid's lane.

And you and you know that you're a pediatrician. Yeah. And and you don't have control of those things anymore. You cannot control them. Yeah.

That's the point. So in the absence of control, what is the one thing that's like a life raft? And I think it's humor. It's laughter. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, that is a that's definitely for me. It's a it's a very good I if you if anyone thinks, what is Sindhu's motto? It's you can't be sad and crazy without funny because that's tragic. Exactly.

And and I loved how you figured out a way to get everything from Amar Chitrakata, into alphabet. And, by the way, I I hope you had good good time at least conceiving the that those lines when you're writing it. But then I I I love the the brand motto. Right? And then I also love this idea of, like, look.

Number one, I kick you. Number two, you hug me. There's there's some greatness there. And if those experiences growing up that are, you know, a combination of just hilarious and painful and even sometimes just kind of tickling, but you don't know why until you're maybe a little bit older. Are you someone who's driven at all by nostalgia?

I mean, do you do you think of kind of some of these experiences in that sort of sweet tender way now? But, of course, back then, they may have been a completely different feeling for you. I think as as I as I've grown grown up, I've understood things differently. I mean, I was terribly bullied at the American school, terribly bullied, but no one at home would pathologize it. My mother my mother was like, you're very dark.

They're very fair. They call you blackie. What's the problem? And I was like, oh. She was like, what is this question?

And she had a very, you know, old world, I would say, desi attitude to it. It's like, well, if you don't like it, just hit back. You know? But I was terribly bullied. Terribly.

I mean, if I look back, I think, but now I think, yeah, and but then perhaps that's because I haven't carried it heavy. You know, some people are bullied, and it deforms their ability to think about themselves in a Yeah. In a loving way. I I clearly have sort of got past that, but not completely. I've been a very, very, very great beneficiary of two aspects of my parents, of two things, one from one parent and one from the my my father has always drawn our attention back to the Bhagavad Gita, always, in anything in life.

Yeah. Not from a religious point of view, but he always said it's a book by how to live. Sure. And he's always always emphasized to us the nature of the world and our existence in it as being both outside our control, but a very beautiful thing. Yeah.

And you have to manage your senses. You sorry. You you have to manage yourself while you face the lack of control. It's no bad thing. And even if you think it's a bad thing, who gives a shit because it's the thing?

That's right. Yeah. Right? So that's him. And then my mother, when I was 16, 17, she became a therapist, and she started one of the first nonprofit drug and alcohol rehabs in India.

And she did the 28 step the the twenty eight day program and 12 step and a. I've been to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings with her in Delhi because I had to drive her, and I'd be like, what am I doing here? I'd never even drunk alcohol at that point. So Western therapy gave my mother tools to really shed a lot of Indian parent tactics. So she apologized a lot.

She said, oh my god. I can't believe I did that to you. I'm so sorry. By the way, let's move on. And that was hugely liberating.

So those two things together have given me an ability to look at, as you say, the past and hold it more lightly, and to believe in techniques, whether they're meditation or journaling or therapy. I'm a huge fan of therapy, by the way, I am. To those things that really hold hard, you know, whether it's EMDR or whatever, to to know that it is it's in my best interest to shed. There's no point holding on to it because no one gives a shit. It's done.

By the way, does that make the product better when you when you're out there on stage and when you're actually delivering humor or when you're trying to keep, you know, practicing your craft and iterate at it, does that does that shedding actually matter? And and therefore, you can wax you can actually make nostalgia a true sort of, like, vibrant piece as opposed to something where you're going backwards. Yeah. I think it does. Because when I'm on stage and I'm telling you a story about how I've treated my two girlfriends by literally lying Yeah.

Because I want to feel safe. I'm trying to show you that I'm the problem, but I'm trying my best. Yeah. You know? And I think that's very common.

I think it takes the judgment out. Am I a good person? Who cares? You're trying your best. Yeah.

And No one gives a shit. No one gives a shit. And, also, of course, there are things you mustn't do that are truly bad, like Right. Crimes. Okay.

Now what I'm talking about as we navigate, whether it's our marriages or our closest friendships or our sibling relationships, we're gonna do some shitty things. Yes. Yes. And don't judge yourself so hard. Just maybe when the time comes, apologize.

One of the ways in which I am able to see myself without judgment is that I think shitty things are possible and, you know, right. And I I think I want people to feel like that's how I feel about them because I get it. I think a lot of people when they watch my stand up, they they do respond to that. You know, that there's no judgment. It you just you're always course correcting.

And that no. Lack of judgment, that course correction, because we experienced that. I I think every profession experiences that a little bit. How are you more endearing and how are you more enduring? How do how do you make it that someone wants to come back and actually be a part of this?

Right? And if you can actually make it so that that platform has less judgment and everyone feels sort of like they have agency to embrace some of the shittiness, but take it take it forward and and do it with some laughs. I think that's gonna always be a wonderful and and in a way, kind of like a gentle way to, you know, make your way through some of that shittiness, I guess. Absolutely. Absolutely.

And I, you know, I think, like, I talk a lot about marriage in ways that there are people online who are like, does she like being married? Right. Like, yeah. Yeah. I do.

Right? Yeah. I do. But that doesn't mean it's, like, super fun. Right.

Right. Yeah. You can you can joke a lot about it. So Yes. You can.

And, also, nothing pushes your buttons like the person you're married to. Yeah. So your shittiest self's gonna be hanging out. Speaking of hanging out with your shitty self, I got a couple of quick rapid ones, for you. Let's go.

So and on that, I'm just making these up as I go along. What is your what's your favorite thing about your husband? He's very, very fun. He's very fun. Okay.

Much no. Funny. Oh, funny. Got it. He's more he's one of the few people that can make me laugh out loud Ah.

Out loud with just one sentence. I saw a bunch of your online videos about mangoes. Do you have a particular favorite? Is it, Yeah. I like, Langra, which is an UP.

Yeah. Langra, which is a UP mango. Yeah. And it's a later in the season mango. Yeah.

I as a, Maraki guy, I have to you know, Hapus and Alphonse. Sorry. Hapus is nice. Hapus is like Alphonse or whatever. Everyone is eating that.

It's like saying, I like chocolate ice cream. Yes. We know. But Hapus is nice. Hapus is is quite exquisite.

Do you and and speaking of Amarchitrakata, do you have a particular favorite, that that you remember? Like, yeah, that was my go to. Jansi Kirani. Yeah. She, you know, she fought with an eye out and her arm cut off and yeah.

Jansi Kirani. In hand. Always I always I always read that. And then I think you and I are about the same age, but who is your I think I know the answer to this given your wall hanging, but is there an eighties icon who Amita Bachchan. There it is.

Yeah. Have you met Amitabh Bachchan? Yes. And I said something funny. I was, like, thinking the whole night, and it worked.

And he laughed, and I was like, that's it. I can stop everything now. That's it. That's the mic drop. That's it.

I didn't need anything else after that. You've been doing stand up now for, what, twelve, thirteen years. And, you know, your your journey has had lots of twists and turns. And as being a sort of comic artist and and someone who writes and someone who acts and with that great sort of brand tagline and and now with really sort of a global brand following. Ultimately, how do you in a way, define success for yourself?

You know, other career paths, they have a there's an end zone. There's something to strive for. There's a, you know, look, I I do this x y z. There's a playbook and a blueprint for it. But but in this particular case, do you have, something that that allows you to either measure success, whether that's a a definable thing or or something that you just sort of have in your head?

You know, there's so many markers of success that are available to us, whether it's Instagram followers, I mean, as a comedian. Yeah. It's your IMDB page. So I suppose I I adhere to all those, and I would like all those to be in the top, you know, bracket. A plus plus, as my father used to Yeah.

You must no. No. You must get a plus plus. And it's like, what is that? I don't know what that is.

I know what a plus is. That's so those are there, and I I I have a love hate relationship with them because I think because, of course, I'm like, if I'm not making those, then am I doing anything? So I that is in and out of my consciousness. In terms of what do I think is is is is my definition of success, I have to be honest with you. I don't think I know yet.

I hope it makes itself clear to me at some point so I can be like, oh, I haven't got there yet. Or, oh, shit. I did that. I got there day before yesterday. Like, who knows?

But I don't think I know. Yeah. And I think that's probably the most complicated part of being someone who is in a profession that's also a calling. Yeah. Because what is it supposed to be?

You know? Well, whether it's, defining that as Sindhu Venkataranarayanan, the human and the family person, whether it's, for a few people, I and I hope not too many, just Hindu alphabet, or whether it's to many, many people out there who are learning about you and getting to know you and rediscovering you and really celebrating you as Sindhu v. I'm so grateful that we had some time to catch up. Sindhu, thank you so much for for joining and really just a treat. I hope we can visit with you down the road.

Yes. Thank you so much. That's very kind. Thanks again, Sindhu. And please, everyone, take a moment to go to SindhuVee.com and check out her latest comedy special called Alphabet.

Once again, if you're enjoying these conversations, please find your way to write a kind review and follow along on social media and share this of course with someone you like or even love. Till next time, I'm Abhay Dandekar.